After a Complicated Labor, a Nurse Handed Me My Baby and Whispered, ‘Watch the Video I Sent You Before You Trust Your Husband’
“I know,” I told her. “I really did.”
He rubbed my feet at night.
***
Still, there were things I noticed and immediately talked myself out of noticing.
Ryan took long phone calls in the garage, sometimes 40 minutes long, sometimes an hour. When I asked who he’d been talking to, he waved a dismissive hand.
“Just work stuff, babe. You don’t want to hear about it.”
***
The baby names came up one Sunday while I was folding onesies on the couch.
“So, Noah and Caleb,” I said. “You still love both, right?”
Still, there were things I noticed.
“Caleb’s great,” my husband answered, his eyes on his phone.
“And Noah?”
He looked up, then back down. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want.”
I told myself he was tired, that finance guys got weird around big life changes, and a lot of other things back then.
***
One evening, I caught Ryan staring at my belly from across the kitchen with a look I couldn’t name. I decided it was awe.
“What?” I laughed. “Do I have spaghetti sauce on my shirt?”
I told myself he was tired.
