I came home expecting to comfort my exhausted six-year-old, but she announced she was retiring from school—and canceled it the moment she learned the cost.
“Yes.”
“I’ve even planned my retirement party.”
I asked,
“Who are you inviting?”
She started counting.
“My best friend…”
“My biscuit seller…”
“The ice cream man…”
“And my class teacher.”
I laughed.
“Why invite your class teacher?”
She smiled.
“So she can finally believe…”
“…that I’m not coming back on Monday.”
Her daddy finally said,
“Vivian…”
“Children don’t retire.”
She folded her arms.
“Then explain why every morning I wake up tired…”
“…and every afternoon I come back tired.”
“If that’s not work…”
“What is it?”
Her daddy laughed.
“Because you’re a student.”
Vivian nodded.
“Exactly.”
“So being a student is my job.”
I said,
“But your job is to learn.”
She replied,
“I’ve been learning since morning.”
“I deserve leave.
Her daddy smiled.
“Who approved your leave?”
She answered immediately,
“I approved it myself.”
I asked,
“So tomorrow morning when it’s time for school, what will you do?”
She replied confidently,
“I’ll wake up…”
“Bath…”
“Wear my uniform…”
Then she paused.
“I’ll remove it again.”
I couldn’t stop laughing.
“And then?”
She smiled.
“I’ll sit in the sitting room.”
“When my classmates are in school…”
“I’ll be watching cartoons.”
Her daddy said,
“Your class teacher will call us.”
Vivian shrugged.
“Tell her I’m now an ex-student.”
I asked,
“What if she says you must come back?”
She replied,
“I’ll tell her…”
“I’m available for consultancy.”
Her daddy frowned.
“Consultancy?”
She nodded proudly.
“Yes.”
“If anybody doesn’t understand Mathematics…”
“They can call me.”
“I’ll explain from my house, charges applied.”
At this point, her daddy was laughing so hard he couldn’t even talk.
I said,
“Vivian…”
“Do you know what?”
She smiled.
“What?”
I pointed at her school bag.
“Since you’ve retired…”
“Give me your school bag.”
She handed it over happily.
“And your lunch box.”
She gave me.
“And your new shoes.”
She removed them immediately.
Her daddy added,
“And your holiday money too.”
Immediately…
Vivian grabbed everything back.
“Wait first!”
We both looked at her.
She frowned.
“So retirement means I’ll lose all these things?”
Her daddy nodded.
“Of course.”
“Retired students don’t need school bags.”
Vivian quickly carried her bag.
Wore her shoes again.
Collected her lunch box.
Then shouted,
“CANCEL THE RETIREMENT!”
I laughed.
“So you’re going back to school tomorrow?”
She adjusted her uniform hanging on the chair and said,
“Yes.”
“I’ve reconsidered.”
“My retirement was too expensive.”
Honestly…
I thought Vivian came home tired from school.
I didn’t know she had already written her retirement letter…
Only to cancel it immediately after discovering retired students don’t receive pocket money, school bags or holiday gifts.
If this is your first time reading a Vivian story, follow the page because this little girl has plenty more funny moments coming!
« Mummy… » Vivian said with a heavy sigh as she walked into the house. She dropped her school bag, removed her shoes, sat on the sofa, and didn’t even ask for food.
Immediately I became worried.
« Vivian, » I asked, « is everything okay? »
She sighed again.
« Mummy… I’ve made a very difficult decision. »
I looked at her daddy. He had also become serious.
« What decision? » I asked quickly.
She looked at both of us.
« I’ve decided to retire. »
I shouted, « Retire from what? »
« School. »
Her daddy almost dropped the cup he was holding.
« School ke? »
She nodded.
« Yes. I’ve tried my best. »
I stared at her.
« Vivian, you’re only six years old! »
She sighed once more.
« Exactly. I’ve worked enough. »
I couldn’t stop laughing.
« Who told you children retire? »
She replied, « Our security man. »
I looked confused.
« What did he say? »
« He told one teacher, ‘I’m retiring next month.’ So I started thinking… if adults can retire, why can’t children retire too? »
Her daddy smiled.
« So after retiring, what do you want to do? »
« I’ll rest. »
« For how long? »
« Until I’m ready to resume again. »
I laughed.
« So who will do your homework? »
She looked genuinely surprised.
« Mummy… retired people don’t work. »
Her daddy asked, « So what will you be doing at home every morning? »
She answered confidently.
« I’ll escort both of you to the gate. When you leave, I’ll wave. Then I’ll go back inside and sleep. »
I asked, « So you’ll just abandon your classmates? »
She shook her head.
« No. I’ll visit them during break time. »
Her daddy laughed.
« How will you enter the school? »
« I’ll tell the gate man… I’m a retired student. »
At that point, I could hardly breathe from laughing.
« So what if your teacher comes looking for you? » I asked.
Vivian smiled.
« Tell her… I’ve moved on with my life. »
Her daddy looked at her.
« So you’ve already planned everything? »
She nodded proudly.
« Yes. I’ve even planned my retirement party. »
« Who are you inviting? »
She started counting.
« My best friend… my biscuit seller… the ice cream man… and my class teacher. »
I laughed.
« Why invite your class teacher? »
She smiled.
« So she can finally believe… that I’m not coming back on Monday. »
See more on the next page
